It was if when I was inside the confines of his delusional world, I couldn’t think straight or function as the strong woman I once was. Just having an outsider view my marriage, who acknowledged my disheveled marital unraveling and allowed my doubts and fears to slowly dissipate. Every time I left the sessions, I felt more powerful. I began regular therapy, which gave me instant perspective. I pretended to care, when deep down I hated him, and I hated myself for allowing this man to tear apart my soul. The last few months we were together, I had to act like I would try to work on our relationship. The more I pulled away from his grip on me, the tighter he held on. His behavior had become unpredictable and troublesome. My husband’s goal was to gain control and power over me through all the belittling, financial control, and manipulation.
#BROKEN AGE FAKE TRAIN WRECK HOW TO#
I learned the best way to handle an abuser and how to leave an unhealthy marriage. I began to research and read up on the issues. Truthfully, I did not even know what emotional and financial abuse was, or that it was considered domestic violence until I finally broke down and secretly went to a local women’s abuse center for counseling. It was pathetic, but it became my normal. I worried more about my kids’ and my husband’s lives than my own well being. The joy and happiness in my life was trapped underneath the misery. I lost my ability to be combative in arguments, because I’d have rather kept the peace than trigger an emotional outburst. I felt trapped and unable to see how diminished my self-respect had become. I became very depressed during our last years together as a couple. The level of toxicity increased through the years. The abuse became such a profound part of my life, yet I stayed.
He was an expert at convincing me I would never make it on my own and that the kids would hate me forever. The times I wanted to leave were immeasurable. I became invisible, as well as my feelings. There was never an apology, but there was always a guaranteed silent treatment that followed and lasted for days. We would have great normal days, but then someone or something would cause a trigger reaction where there would be arguing, threats, and intimidation, then denial, blaming, and saying I caused him to act that way. It was and is a toxic cycle in any abusive relationships. The ups and downs became a regular gig in the days and months of my marriage. They’d never witnessed any of it, so I am wondering if they ever really believed me or maybe thought I exaggerated the truth. Their empathy quickly turned to excuses for my husband’s irrational behavior. The few people I shared this with were oblivious to any abuse. The mistreatment felt so wrong, but my learned ability to forgive trumped all my instinctive feelings. The scars on my heart began to thicken and block my ability to love this man.
I thought it was that part of my marital journey where I would suffer through and learn to accept my significant other’s faults. I felt determined to work through the battles I constantly faced. In the beginning, I thought my relationship struggles were the typical marital woes everyone faced as newlyweds. There are no visible marks and friends and family can barely detect your pain.
Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is often more difficult to recover from, as the scars can often be more self-destructive. The abuse crept into my life effortlessly and I subconsciously learned to survive through the horrific dysfunction.
I would have never believed it could have been part of my life. One would certainly think it would be so easily detected so easily felt. In hindsight, I never felt my relationship with my husband of 22 years was abusive. We wish you everything you need to make life happen on your own terms. If you are at immediate risk and need support and/or someone to talk to about your situation, we encourage you to check out Wf1’s Crisis Resource List, which we created especially for our community. Please keep in mind that while we encourage our authors to respond to comments as they are able to, this is not always possible. Our hearts go out to the many people who have taken the time to comment on the post and share their personal stories. Emotional Abuse: The Invisible Train WreckĪ Note from the Wf1 Staff: This piece remains one of our most popular Truthteller stories on the site.
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